Sing My Song

my soul has been nourished by the afternoon light

my heart has been touched by the wind from the east

i now sing my own song

words I collect and gather together

to create my own melody of life

to sing aloud for the trees to hear

my soul has been nourished by the jasmine tea

my heart has been touched by the petals of white 

i now sing my own song.

Twenty-Two

We sat next to each other at a transfer/new student dinner the first time we met. We talked about school, and just remember laughing and laughing. I remember his smile.  We saw each other around campus once or twice that semester, but that was all. 

The fall semester came and we met again. We were both Resident Hall staff members at the college we both attended. This time was different.  I couldn’t stop looking at him. We talked after one of the training meetings and I knew at that moment that I would marry him.  I knew.  It’s one of the moments in my life I will never forget.  A moment when all the fuzziness becomes clear and the path stretches out before you with arrows pointing “this way, this way,” and you must follow it.

Within a few weeks, we both knew. (Ok, so it took me one day and him a few weeks.)  We got engaged almost 10 months later and married a year after that.   Today, marks twenty-two years of marriage.  Twenty-two years of being beside my best friend and love of my life.  It’s a wonderful feeling, I must admit.

Today we are celebrating the day with a short trip north, holding hands, a walk in the park, dinner and watching the sunset together. It’s our day.   I am a lucky woman to share my life with such a kind, loving, gentle and caring man.  

I can only imagine us twenty-two years from now, celebrating our 44th.  We will have a slower walk perhaps, and our hands will show we’ve aged, but our hearts will be the same as they are today and as we were twenty-two years ago; beating as one.

So, happy anniversary to us.  I love you sweetheart.

It Was A Good Week

It was a good week.   
...youngest had his continuation ceremony today and is now a middle schooler
...received the President's Award of Excellence
...got to leave school early
...picked up his baritone for the summer
...was excited to see his report card


...oldest got his cast off
...is smiling bright after a long seven weeks of no baseball and summer ball around the corner
...finished studying for finals and ended the week with a perfect score on his geometry final
...has been happily eating watermelon with friends
...was excited to see his report card


Life is good.


Enjoy your Memorial Day Weekend.

Do You Need A New Deck Too?

Our neighbors recently tore down their old deck and built a new one that is beautiful.  They put it up a few months ago so it would be ready in time for the summer and ready it is.  It looks wonderful.  You can smell the wood when it rains. 

Our deck is loved.  It’s in great condition, but could use a power spraying and a new coat of stain. Now that I look out onto the deck, the grill is a little old too.  Ok, it’s really old and think a wasp family has taken up residence inside the lid.  Maybe we should redo our deck this summer and get us a new grill?

…….

It’s that simple.   That’s how the train of thought begins; someone has something new, someone is traveling to an exotic place, someone is going back to school, someone is opening a new on-line store, and the list goes on.   We are sucked in to the mindset that what we have, where we are, what we’re doing and even who we are, isn’t good enough.  

We should have what they have.  We should go where they are going.  We should do what they are doing.  We should be who they are.  Why do we tell ourselves these things?

Our nature is to compete and improve, which I think isn’t always a bad thing.  That is, if you’re competing with yourself and trying to open your mind to new things or listening to your heartstrings for direction.  

We need not to worry about what everyone else is accomplishing but rather listen to our own lives and do what we feel we need. 

Maybe that means seeking more knowledge for a career. Maybe that means spending less time in front of the tv.  Maybe that means sitting alone in the park writing.  Maybe that means getting a second job to pay for a dream vacation.  Maybe that means getting a new deck.

We matter just where we are, right now.  We are enough.   You are enough.  I am enough.  Read it again. You are enough.  Any improvements you chose to make upon yourself are just fluff, because the core you, the real you, is enough.

It’s that simple.

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy when it comes to valuing ourselves.  If I had her long legs, I’d be better.  If I had his bank account balance, I’d be happier.  If I went to Figi life would be more enjoyable.  If I had as many friends as she has, I’d smile more.  We continue to tell ourselves these non-truths (for lack of a better word) and believe them.  We believe we aren’t ok as we are right now, in my 15 year old sleep t-shirt with the hold under the arm, green fuzzy socks, and my hair in a messy ponytail.  Well, guess what?  I am ok.  Right now.

Where we are on our paths is just that.  Where we are on our path.  Every road is different and when we start believing that old saying….”The grass is always greener on the other side,” is when we get ourselves in trouble.  Enjoy your path.  Live your path.  No other path is like it.  You are on a unique journey.

Not one path in this life is alike.  Not one.  

And, for the record, I don’t need a new deck or a new stainless steel grill with all the bells and whistles.  I can enjoy the sun on the loved deck just fine sitting next to our good ‘ole  grill.

If You're A Bettin' Kind Of Fella

We just finished fishing as the graupel (yes it is a real word) started to hit us in the face.  Fishing in the mountains is always unpredictable.  You can have snow in July, rain in December and yes, graupel in May. (I know you looked it up.  I saw you.)

We piled into the car and tossed the fishing poles into the back along with the snack bag, folding chairs, umbrella, gloves, hats, scarves, fishing net and the tackle box.  Fishing requires “stuff”.  We decided to show our niece, who was visiting, the other two little reservoirs on the mountain and enjoy a short little drive in the mountains.  We made the turn and started the winding switchbacks down, then up, then down again until our oldest asked us to stop.  His hand still smelled like fish and wanted to wash it a little with the remaining water bottle water out the door. 

We stopped. He washed (as best as you can when you have a cast on your arm). We continued. Fish smell now tolerable.

My husband slowed as we came to the top of the road where we waited for a huge F450 like truck to move along and finish their sightseeing.  The clouds had moved in and the rain was due any moment as we showed her some of our other fishing spots and how low the water line was.  

Just then, our fishy hand boy asked if I had his phone, which I did not.  He frantically searched his pockets, patted down his jacket, unbuckled and searched the seat when he remembered he heard a “gravel” like sound when we stopped for him to wash his hand.

(This is when I took a deep breath and shook my head and did everything I could not to roll my eyes at him.) 

”You heard a ‘gravel’ sound?” 

“Yeah, when we stopped.  I bet it fell out of the car.”

Well, let’s just say, if you’re a bettin’ kind of fella, this is a hands down sure thing put everything you have left on this bet.  You are sure to come out smellin’ like a rose and not fish.

We couldn’t turn around as it was a one-way loop, so continued into the loop one more time and slowly made our way around the corner, only to see our Mr. F450 in front of us making the loop once again as well.  We all sat on the edges of our seats and peered out the windows looking for a “flat” phone, when my husband spotted it face down.  He stopped and our son opened his door and let out a huge sigh of relief as his picked it up with no scratches, no broken screen and no F450 tire marks.  

(You can make your way to the betting window to collect your winnings now.)

One lucky kid.   He said someone must have been looking out for him and we all smiled and I shook my head once again and know I rolled my eyes in disbelief.  That is one lucky kid.

Well, I know you think the story ends here…but it doesn’t.

We made our way back to the house and our youngest begged to have a fire in the fire pit to finish off the cool damp day.   It felt wonderful and we all curled up in our chairs and watched the flames and the smoke and laughed again how lucky our son was to have found his phone unscathed.   The night settled in and the fire smoldered as we headed in for the night.

An hour passed.

While I was tucking in our youngest for the night, our oldest hollers from the doorway with the home phone in his hand, “Hey, mom, I’ll be right back.  I’m gonna go outside for a minute.” 

Outside at 10 o’clock at night?  Does he really think I’m not going to question that?  I peered out the bedroom window to see him walking around in the dark with the home phone to his ear. 

Are you kidding me?  Did he really lose his phone AGAIN? Twice in  one day?  I started laughing and just watched him look under the chairs, around the fire pit, in the grass, on the deck.  I couldn’t stop smiling. 

He came back in and finally told us he couldn’t find his phone and we just laughed.  He called it over and over again and then heard it buzzing in the closet.   It was in the coat pocket of my jacket.  How it got there, we will never know.  (Or should I say, I will never tell!)

We all had a good laugh and headed upstairs for the night.  The day had finally came to a close.  I couldn't stop thinking how lucky that kid is if I say so myself.  Someone is definitely looking out for him.  Definitely.