Chaos Just Isn't My Thing

Everyone is hustling about, with their Starbucks coffees in hand, circling the parking lots looking for a great spot, carrying shopping bags and standing in line after line while I remain tucked in under the covers with the house filled with quiet.  I like quiet.

I am not a shopper and rarely get the “bug” to go out and shop.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a great window shopper and browser, but not big on shopping.  I enjoy an afternoon walking through the quaint shops and testing all the lotions and potions, but NOT when five million others are doing the same thing.   It makes me crazy.

I almost had to leave the grocery store a few days ago because of the mad rush on Thanksgiving pumpkin and turkey!  There were too many carts, whining napless children, and long lines for me.  I have no patience for it whatsoever.  Maybe I’m getting old and my senses go on overload when in big noisy crowds?  Maybe I’m realizing that I really don’t need another string of lights or box of ornaments to make the holiday perfect?  Maybe I’m just……boring.   Boring is good.

Rather than fight my way through the massive crowds to snatch up the last “$19.95” sale item in red, today will be a quiet one at home with a trip to the movies with my boys.  Popcorn and gummi bears won’t be in high demand, and we won’t have to stand in line because I can buy our tickets on-line and avoid that entire process! 

If you’re one of those crazy shoppers out there today (and I mean that in the most endearing sort of way), enjoy yourself, but please don’t think badly of me for not participating in all the holiday chaos.  Chaos just isn’t my thing. 

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family today.

May you be grateful for all the goodness in your life.

What Will This Wednesday Bring

I am officially a morning girl.  I love the peace and quiet of the house.  Hot tea tastes better in the early morning hours when the house creaks a little and the hum of the heater clicks on and whirrs through the house.  (I secretly wish I were a coffee drinker because the aroma of the coffee pot brewing is a favorite aroma of mine, but really prefer tea.)

I love the sky slowing changing from it’s deep navy blue to the eerie grey when finally the shades of the morning glow come to light and oranges and pinks take over the giant chalkboard for the world to see.  It’s almost purple this morning, however.

If I could add more time to the day, it would most definitely be added to the dawn hours for me.   Just one more hour of quiet and space to breathe before the day’s events take over would be on this girl’s wish list.

As I lay here in bed, with only the glow of my computer screen and the hint of the sky peeking in the top of the bedroom window, I wonder what the day holds for us?

            Our oldest is taking his driver’s permit test this afternoon.

            Our youngest and I might go to a movie.

            My husband is on his way to Phoenix for a tournament.

            I have many (repeat - MANY) crafts I could work on.

            I could plan a nice dinner.

            Cleaning out the fish tank should really be a priority.

            The cat food bowl could use a scrub and rinse.

           

So many possibilities…..so little time.

Perhaps I’ll just ponder for a bit over my cup of Earl Grey and pretend I have another hour of this peaceful quiet.  What will this Wednesday bring?

Today Is Tuesday!

Today is the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and you know what that means!!  It means it’s time to put up the Christmas tree.   Don’t hate me.   I know it’s a tad early.  Ok, maybe it’s too early, but (remember, there’s always a but) I have time today to get the house ready for Christmas and am ready for a little cinnamon to waft through the house.  Plus, I have a few little ideas I want to try this year, and am feeling a little crafty and want to get started.

I know you’re probably thinking having Thanksgiving dinner with the Christmas tree up is just wrong.  Well, I’ll have you know, we actually celebrated Thanksgiving dinner with my parents Sunday night over at their home and had a wonderful home-cooked meal (our compliments to the chef!)  Mom is an amazing cook and knows how to make the meanest cheesy potato dish that I could have eaten like ice cream, but didn’t.  (I only had one serving!  Ok, that’s a lie.  I had two.  Really.  Just two.)  Delicious.

So, officially, we’ve celebrated our Thanksgiving together and so technically I’m not breaking any holiday rules by putting it up.  I’m just in the mood and want to see all the sparkly lights and bells spread around the house. Might even need to hang the lights on the tree outside as well.  I promise I won’t turn them on though until AFTER Thursday.  Would that be ok with you?  

Here’s hoping you have a wonderful Tuesday before Thanksgiving!

Thank Fulls

Today is the Monday before Thanksgiving and a day to be thankful for all the goodness in my life.   I really love my life.  I have so much to be thankful for and so much gratefulness in my heart and just feel like sharing.

I hope you will take time to jot down a few of your Thank Fulls and share them with me.  I love to hear from you.  I do. 

My Thank Fulls…

…for watching a movie under the covers with my family and munching on popcorn

…for paintbrushes and paper towels

…for cool crisp weather

...for our health

…for candle light

…for dryer sheets

…for cinnamon

…for homemade cherry pie

...for boys laughing out loud

…for warm socks

…for butter on toast

…for Christmas music on the radio

…for a pile of books to read

…for hot tea

…for email

…for crayons

…for sharpie pens in every color

…for a husband like mine

…for funny commercials

…for inspirational words

…for my family, of course

…for cats purring

…for cutie oranges

…for hot tea (did I already mention that one?)

…for on-line coupon codes

…for dry-cleaners

…for Subway

…for pumpkin pie and cool whip

…for RedBox

…for journaling

…for kisses

…for hugs

…for quiet

Quiet Moments on Sunday

Today I hope you will take time to enjoy the quiet moments that come your way today.

Curl up with a good book...

Write a letter to an old friend...

Sip a cup of your favorite hot tea...

Listen to the wind blow...

Watch a movie with your family...

Share a meal together...

What ever the moment is, enjoy it today on this beautiful Sunday.

A Distracted Moment

Yesterday I spent the entire day running errands.  I had put them off as long as I could.  Using vanilla creamer for the boys’ cereal  was no longer an option.  I ran here and ran there and inevitably ended up at the Wal-mart.  (I laugh when people say “the” Wal-mart and that’s really the only way to say it to get the true feeling of the crazy people in that store some days. You have to say it with a southern drawl as well for the best effect.  “I went down to The Wal-Mart.”)

Any hoo…

I found a parking spot right by the front door which is unheard of at The Wal-Mart. (Made you laugh this time didn’t I?)  I was thrilled.  I grabbed my list and away I went. I got q-tips, and cotton balls, and toothpaste and the like and before you know it, I’d wasted the better part of 45 minutes roaming the aisles.

I check out with Claudia, who couldn’t stop talking about her break, which should have happened twenty minutes earlier.   She was not happy and was taking it out on my deodorant and lotion bottle.  Let’s just say they did not go gently into the sack.

Any hoo…

I took my three bags out of the cart and headed through the gumball machines and large doors, when I saw it.

Right in front of me was an ivory SUV with its back door gate to the car wide open.  I thought how strange is that?  They even had a blanket wrapped up in the back just like our picnic blanket I kept in the back of our car.

I looked at it again and walked toward my car.

Wait.

I had a moment of fear wash through me like I’ve never felt before.

That WAS my car.  Somehow I must have hit the gate door button twice and it opened when I got out of the car to go in and didn’t even notice.  I walked slowly to the car and walked around it one full time to see if anyone was in the car.   My saving grace was that I had parked right on the front row smack in front of the doors.  Who in their right mind, with the entire population of The Wal-mart watching, would enter the car from the gate or take something?

I must have looked quite silly, because when I was certain no one was in the car, I walked around and opened each door and looked behind all the seats just to be sure.

I hopped in the car, pressed the “gate” button on the controls and sat silently for a minute before I started the car.   I quickly said a prayer of thanks and took the reminder to stay a bit more focused on what I was doing and to not get distracted as I apparently was earlier. 

Take this lesson of mine and walk mindfully through your day.  Pay attention to the details and don’t get caught up in the distractions that come your way today.  Focus on each task carefully and if you have to go to The Wal-mart, make sure you park on the front row!

Photo A Day: Day 30 (Light) Be My Light

Today marks the end of a 30-day project for me.  It has been a lesson in dedication, a lesson of the heart and opening up photos for interpretation, a lesson in photography, a lesson in motivation and a lesson in finding my way.  I hope you’ve enjoyed following along with me on my journey these past thirty days as much as I have enjoyed preparing each day for you.

Today’s final photo is one filled with personal meaning for myself.  It has become my soul mantra and find great strength in these three simple words.

Be My Light.

Be My Light.

Remember my post a while back….If you want something you’ve never had, then you have to do something you’ve never done. (You can read it here if you haven’t read it yet.)

This soul mantra is helping me to do just that; do something I’ve never done to try and obtain something I’ve never had.  

Be My Light.

Be My Light.

I must be my light on the path.  I can’t rely on someone else to carry the lantern and make my path visible to me.  I must be my light.   I need to rely on all that I am and all the gifts that have been give to me and let them carry me.  I can’t rely on someone else to motivate me.  I have to be my light.

I want to live my dreams instead of look at them.  I want to try something different so that I can achieve something different and in order to do that, I much be my light.  No one else can do that for me.

It is a beautiful thing to feel empowered by three simple words.  I hope you will sit and listen to your inner voice and let your soul mantra come to be.  What do you need right in this moment?   Listen for the whisper.

Photo A Day: Day 29 (Light) In My Mind

I have over 17,000 photos in my iphoto library (used to be over 19,000 until my hard drive decided to take a day off) and very few of myself.  I'm always behind the camera trying to capture the moment, the smile, the mood, etc.   I'm not in very many, and the ones I am in, I don't care for that much.   

But....

The other day I was playing with the settings on my camera and was trying to work with the light/dark feature and didn't have anyone to test the lighting on but me.   I sat on the floor and let the camera snap away.   This was the first shot.   

For some reason, when I look at this photo, it looks like me.  I know it looks like me.  I don't mean it that way.  I mean that in my mind, I appear a certain way, happy, content, simple.   This photo of me looks like I look in my mind.

Does that make sense?

It's not often that we really see ourselves as we imagine.  It's difficult in the day to day life to capture a moment of our soul and put it onto the digital card and it actually shine back at you.   Maybe it sounds strange, but I really like the way I look in this shot.  It makes me happy knowing that what I feel like inside can show on the outside at a given moment.

I hope you will let your inner self shine through for the world to see.  I know it would be a beautiful photo.

Photo A Day: Day 28 (Color) One Piece At A Time

A few Wednesday's ago, when a snow day was declared for our district, my youngest son and I decided to put together a puzzle, which we hadn't done together in a very long time.  Actually, I think the last puzzle we put together was an Elmo puzzle.  He's now just three weeks shy of 11, so you know it's been a while since he loved Elmo (although I have a secret crush on him and find him to be adorable).  

We dumped the box of pieces and started to turn them all face up and then began to sort by color.  It was a puzzle of three cats sitting beside each other and it quickly became difficult to discern between the calico and the grey fur staring back at us.  

The border went together fairly quickly and then the work began. 

A piece here...

A piece there...

It was a slow process.  About an hour or so into it, my son decided he needed a break.  All the pieces looked the same to him and he couldn't find the one he was looking for, so walked away from the table for a bit (ok, maybe a few hours; after all it was a snow day and a kid's got things to do.) 

After the tent building and xbox playing got boring, he came back in to the table and started again. Skimming over the pieces looking for just the right one that had a little tip of red on the left corner and the rest of it all black, except for a tiny smudge of whisker on the upper right hand side.  "Yes! I got it."

He was so proud of himself for even finding one piece after searching for so long.   The thrill of the hunt.

I find myself at this time of my life staring at all the puzzle pieces in front of me and wondering what the puzzle will look like when all the pieces are in their place.  Life is a journey of putting one piece of the puzzle in at a time.  We try one that looks like it fits and then realize the corner has an angle on it and it doesn't snap into place.  We pick up another one until finally, "Yes! I got it," happens for us.   It is a slow process (so slow sometimes it feels as if we're actually walking backwards).   

But, (there's always a but isn't there?)

If we stay determined, consistent and dedicated to putting the pieces in their place, then one day, when we least expect it, that final piece snaps in and the picture is clear.   The end result can be beautiful, but the process of searching for the right piece can also be valuable as well.  

Take time today to enjoy putting the pieces into your puzzle one piece at a time.

Photo A Day: Day 27 (Light) Moon Glow

I backed the car out of the garage Friday morning and then promptly sent my oldest back into the house to fetch my camera. There shone the moon in all its glory hanging in the early morning sky hoping someone would photograph his beauty.   I couldn't let him down and snapped this photo and hopped back into the car to take my son to school.  I didn't know if the shot would turn out or not and didn't have time to look to see until this morning.  The picture doesn't do the glow justice.  It was beautiful to say the least.  

Take a moment this weekend to notice the little moments of joy that await you. 

Photo A Day: Day 26 (Cozy) Fifteen

fifteen years old

fifteen year old eyes

fifteen year old nose

fifteen year old chin

fifteen years of loving a beautiful child

Photo A Day: Day 25 (Light) Blue Glass

My Great Grandmother's and Grandmother's blue glass...

I have a tea spoon jar, a pitcher, a candy dish, and so many other beautiful pieces.

I keep them in my china hutch for fear they'll get broken.  

I love their color, their texture, their weight.

They are part of who I am.

My precious blue glass.

Photo A Day: Day 24 (Light) Sun Kissed Edges

 What would I see if I were to peel back all the layers you wear and peek into your soul?  

Would I see what is truly important to you?  Would I see what you dream about?  

Would I see the true you; your complete real, honest, true self? 

Why not let your innermost dreams, your true self, shine through for the world to see.  

Perhaps opening yourself up and being vulnerable will be freeing.  

Perhaps your soul will sing and say thank you for letting the sun kiss its tender edges.   

Photo A Day: Day 23 (Warmth) It's Powerful

When you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done. - Anonymous

Read it again. I’ll wait. 

It’s powerful, don’t you think? 

The want doesn’t have to be a material thing.  It can be, but it doesn’t have to be.  

If you want to know everything about photography, then you have to do something you’ve never done (take a class, find a mentor, take pictures, enter a contest).  

If you want to meditate in the morning while it’s quiet, then you have to do something you’ve never done (go to bed earlier, set the alarm 20 minutes earlier).

If you want to be more connected to your friends and family, then you have to do something you’ve never done (write them a letter, take them to lunch unexpectedly, skype with them in the evening, call them every Tuesday night).

I have many ideas of things I’d like to do, and I think about them all the time.   I, however, get fearful of trying anything new, trying something different than what I know right this minute. Heck, when I think about it, I order the same three things at a restaurant every time.  EVERY TIME.   Am I just too content to venture out; worried I’ll unsettle the very calm water that my life is right now?  I don’t like uncertainty, the unknown.  I like to know where the train is going and if I’m in the right seat or not.  How could I possibly write for a magazine, or enter a photography contest, or… (the list is endless). 

My inner voice wants something more for myself.  My inner voice wants to do something I’ve never done before.  My inner voice speaks and yet I pretend I don’t hear it the majority of the time.  Why?  Fear?  Contentment? Why?

When you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done. - Anonymous.

Read it again. (I’m not talking to you this time, just to me.)

It’s powerful, don’t you think?

Photo A Day: Day 22 (Cozy) Follow

Life provides so many opportunities for each of us.  For some, the path is straight and narrow.  

For others, the path is one of twists and turns.  

Whatever your path, choose to walk it with strength and determination.

My path is beautiful with all the curves and surprises around the corner.  

I will follow it as best I can with my head held up toward the rays of the heavens.

Photo A Day: Day 21 (Light) Hold On Tight

Almost fifteen years ago I was nine months pregnant with our first child.  Nine months round, not quite waddling, but a little slow to move about.   The nursery was ready, the car seat was buckled in and the hospital bag was packed and on the bedroom floor.  I was excited and not so much nervous.  I knew I could get through the labor part, I really didn’t have any doubts about that, but I had no idea just how much a child would change our lives in profound ways.  What I know now as an almost 15 year parent veteran would sure have come in handy then.  I share today with you the letter I now write to my younger self on my way to the hospital about to become a first-time mother and be filled with such joy.

Dear Stephani,

Your life as you know it is about to change forever.  Hold on tight.   The joy and love will spill from the moment you set eyes on that beautiful baby boy.  Be prepared.  It’s powerful. It will knock you on your feet some days, so always be alert and ready for its strength and depth.  Time will not stand still.  He will not be a baby for long, in fact, he will be talking and walking in what seems a matter of days.  He will laugh and bring light to every room he enters.  Hold on.  Time becomes fuzzy so quickly that one day very soon, he will be fifteen years old and will be talking of friends and dances and driving and college.  Yes, college.  I’m telling you this again, so you will hear me and remember this.  Hold on tight.  While you are in the midst of changing diapers and picking out clothes and finding the best pre-school, time will betray you and you will wake up and beg for more time. Let him stay up late some times; it won’t matter.  Let him eat cupcakes for breakfast for a whole week if he wants when he’s five; it won’t matter.  Let him wear his batman cape to school; it won’t matter.  Let him talk to his friends later than he should; it won’t matter.  What will matter is that you embrace every moment he is with you in the car chatting about school, watching movies together, sitting in silence together as he fishes for the tenth hour, and watching him sleep in his warm bed. He will grow into a young man right before your eyes and it will feel as if you just blinked.   You will be proud of who he is and you will cry at the thought of him leaving for college one day.  Hold on.   Hold on to every moment.  Put those moments in your pocket for safe keeping because in a few minutes, yes minutes, he will be a man and you will still be his mother, but he won’t be your baby anymore.  Hold on tight.  Time will never be the same again.  Hold on to every moment you have together.

Love, 

The older mother, Stephani

photo credit - uncle jason

Photo a Day: Day 19 and 20 (Light) Words From The Heart

May you choose your words carefully and may they be from the heart this weekend.

All that you say is felt in the heart of another.

Your words have power so use them wisely.

May your weekend be joyful and splendid.

Photo A Day: Day 18 (Nature) I Come From

I come from whispering teacups and curved wooden pews.

I come from nutmeg glass and Christmas tree lures.

I come from turquoise french horns and words jotted down.

I come from the breath that I take each morning I wake.

I come from three hearts that beat now as my own.

I come from burlap and lace worn on the same day.

I come from a thread that falls from the sky.

I come from whispers that inspire me to be true. 

Photo A Day: Day 17 (Cozy) See, Really See

Life is filled with so much for us to do and see.  Often times we run through life, rushing from the grocery store, to soccer practice, to the birthday party, to the dry cleaners, grabbing a bite to eat through the drive-thru, and hurrying through e-mails and the like that we don't really see what is right in front of us.   For the last few weeks, I've been trying to be more purposeful in my day.  Trying to really see what is in front of me; noticing the rabbit on my walk, the sound of the leaves still clinging to their branches and the moisture in the air.   We move so quickly some days that we miss the little details of the day.   I love the little details that show up unexpectedly.  They are a reminder to me to slow down, to breathe, to pause.  If we pause, we notice.  We see.  We really see. Do you see the heart shaped onion in my last spoonful of soup?   

Pause.  

See, really see. 

Photo A Day: Day 16 (Light) Waiting On Me

Have you ever prayed for something to happen, to not happen, for direction, for clarity, for answers to questions, for a sign?   I have.  Many times, with an emphasis on the asking for a sign probably one too many times. 

I’d like to think that God and I are pretty good friends.  He knows everything about me and all my quirks and all my thoughts and feelings.  He’s given me so much and I am grateful for it all.  As far as what I know about Him, I know that I can never dream a dream bigger than He’s dreamed for me.  I know that I can count on Him when I am at my lowest and at my highest during the day.   I find comfort in our friendship. I’d probably go as far to say that we’re actually good friends.

Well, the other day, I was watching one of Oprah’s Lifeclasses on tv that I had recorded (it’s the only show I really look forward to) and as the credits were rolling I turned down the sound to answer the phone.  It was one of those recorded messages about taking a survey, and I hung up on the recording as quickly as I answered it and turned the volume back up on the class.

Just as I hit the “+” sign on the controller, Oprah looked right into the camera and said, “Maybe God is waiting on you,” and the show ended.

Was this meant for me?  Did I hear her correctly?   These were words I have never heard or even given thought to.  Does God wait on us?  Sure, God teaches us lessons and we are many times taught the same lesson over and over until we get it and the lesson “clicks” for us somehow.  But, does He actually wait on us to do something, to act on the gifts He’s given to us?  Does He really wait for us to make the first move?

Is the sign I pray for so many times actually me?  Am I what needs to act and not God?

Maybe for some of you, this isn’t anything new, but for me, I never looked at God as needing to wait for anything or anyone.  He’s all knowing, all giving, all loving.  Why would he need to wait, especially on me?

Maybe God is waiting on me.  Maybe what I seek is already here, in my own hands. 

Maybe God is waiting on me.  Maybe I need to act and not wait.  Maybe.

Photo A Day: Day 15 (Light) The Lights Of My Life

These two can be nerdy and zombie like any day.  

They always make me laugh.  So lucky to call them my own.

They light up my world.