789 Days Ago

I have always believed I am not alone

I have always known

Faith in the unseen

Trust in the untouchable

However, I have often asked for a sign

Just to make sure

To try and stop any of my doubting

Just a sign that I am heard and not alone

February 17, 2010

Not so long ago really

Wanting a sign, an answer, to powerful speech lifted up

Begging for something to touch

The hours before that morn

Trust and acceptance, in an outcome I might not understand

Control given up, truly given up

My heart was at rest

The morning was typical

Children to school, husband to work

When I entered the bathroom I sobbed

At the sign that sat on the floor

The sign that only gave answers to me

Only me

It was laid out for me

It was for my touch of my trust confirmed

His necklace had fallen to the floor

It sat untouched from where it fell

Alone it sat on the step

A heart it had formed

I had been heard

I was not alone

I have always known

Faith in the unseen

Trust in the untouchable

Yet, I held faith and trust in my own hands.

And it touched me

Our writing assignment today was to go to the past and "poem" about a day that changed everything.   This is a very personal poem for me and a sharing of my inner heart I don't normally share.  So many meanings for me in one small "sign".   So many meanings, I can't possibly share them all in a short poem.  So hold my heart carefully as I am sharing it with you today.

Poem It Out by Liz Lamoreux

One of Us

A few years ago, I made a music cd for the car of some of my favorite songs and included the song, “One of Us” by Joan Osborne.  The boys always started laughing when it came on because there’s a little old lady that sings a little tidbit before the song actually starts. 

oh...

one of these nights at about twelve o'clock

this whole earth's gonna reel and rock...

things thay'll tremble and cry for pain

for the Lord's gonna come in his heavenly airplane.

It’s very nasal and whiny and it always made them laugh.    Before long, they were clicking to CD4, Track 18 themselves to hear it.   We must have listened to it hundreds of times before I asked them if they knew what the song was about.  Neither of them really knew.  They always just listened to the start and laughed then let the song play without really listening to it.

When I explained to them that it was about God being just like one of us walking on this earth, riding the bus, with a name just like one of us.  If you could ask Him one question, what would you ask?  It’s really a great song. 

I got to thinking today about that song.  What if you could ask God one question?  Would you?  What would you ask?  I don’t know that I could ask because I’d be so fearful it would be the wrong question. There are so many questions to be asked. 

Why is the sky blue and not hot pink?

What am I supposed to be when I grow up?

Will my children grow up to be happy and giving?

Is Heaven more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen?

The list goes on and on and on.

The other part of the song talks about God being here as one of us, just a stranger on a bus.  It makes you think doesn’t it?  Would your behavior change if you knew the man sitting next to you in the movie theater crunching popcorn just a little too loudly was actually God?  Would you still honk at the car in front of you for sitting at the green light too long if it was God sitting in the white minivan? 

The part most people forget about is that God pretty much knows every single thing about you.   He knows how many freckles you have, how clean your ears are, how kind your heart is, how thoughtful you are, how angry you can become.  He sees it all. 

Would I make him proud of my actions?  My words?  My thoughts?   Perhaps on a given day I might, but other days I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t get a star next to my name.  Today I’m trying to live like he’s sitting on the couch playing Xbox with the boys.  I need to be mindful of my words and actions because what if God was one of us?  

Can you See Heaven?

If I open my patio door and sit on the deck, I have a beautiful view of the mountains. Some mornings the shadows of the clouds hit them just right, creating what appears to be a blanket of trees draped over the massive mound of rock.  It accentuates the nooks and crannies and gives it depth, which I normally don’t see.  

To me, this is God’s way of reminding me that there are many details of this world that reveal themselves when I am in the right frame of mind, and when my heart is on the right path.  Intentionally living is what I call it.  I am mindful of my surroundings and my deeds are done with compassion and meaning. It is then that I believe Heaven can be seen right from my very own backyard. Not with my eyes, but with my entire being.

No, God doesn’t wave his arms at me from the mountaintop, nor does He write my name in the clouds.  It’s just a feeling, an awareness, that at certain moments there is a balance within my heart.  There is a fullness that fills every pocket in my being.  I feel as if God, Himself is breathing for me.   Is this Heaven on earth?   Is this that minute separation between this earthly place and Heaven?  Is Heaven simply knowing God is there, within me and being 100% aware of it at all times?  I think so.

But, can I be aware of His presence here on earth 100% of the time?  No.  My life requires me to clean house, cook for my sick neighbors, pick up kids from sleepovers, attend meetings and the like.   My duties here and now don’t allow for that.

These moments are the glimpses of Heaven that He provides within me.  It’s the “there is something better” awaiting me that keeps me grounded, mindful and faithful.  Getting a peek at Heaven on earth is possible and I believe it is within all of us to see.  But, when our hearts stop beating, that is when God will breathe for us and fill our hearts with pure joy.  That is when we will see Heaven with our hearts and breathe His presence and  experience Heaven on earth for all eternity.  

This I Know For Sure

Today is a day of thanksgiving for so many things.  I don’t’ even know where to begin to try and explain the events of today and the events that led up to today.  I don’t need to go into detail, but will tell you what I know for sure as of today, February 17, 2010.

            It is often darkest before the sun rises.

            La joie peut être entendue par le téléphone.

            Anxiety is REAL and affects the physical and emotional being.

            Your beliefs can be tested in very real ways.

            Sometimes our “wants” are bigger than we can handle alone.

            Wearing your heart on your sleeve is ok.

            A smile CAN be 10 miles wide.

            Determination is powerful.

            Patience is a virtue I do not have.

            I am blessed by God with my family and friends.

            A shark tooth necklace is worth a 1000 words.

            A parent truly feels a child’s every emotion tenfold.

            Your heart CAN beat out of your chest.

            Trusting isn’t always easy.

            Tears of joy can be exhilarating.

            Sometimes waiting is harder than knowing.

            You can pray in the drive-thru line.

            Belonging is important.

            Having passion in your life is paramount.

            Believe in yourself.

            Attitude is everything and can make change happen.

            God is real.

           

I go to bed tonight with only praise and joy in my heart. I will remember today for the rest of my life.  This I know for sure.

Could This Be?

Does it ever seem that some days are aligned in the universe better than others?   There are days that we wake up and all is right.  Why is this?  The words that come out of our mouths are just the right ones put in the right order to be delivered on a silver platter at the right time.  Time seems to flow perfectly.  No rushing, no hurrying, as the clock ticks at the right pace and we’re able to keep up with it.  We can breathe in and out and can feel our lungs working.  The sun shines just enough to keep us warm and we can hear the air move.   Why is this?  Is it because we’re well rested or because we ate carrots the day before? Is it because we made a new friend or found a $10 bill in our coat pocket?  Or does this happen because we’re in tune to that sixth sense at that moment we arise and start the day? 

Perhaps there is a gathering of the days and only a few are chosen to be this special gift for us on a particular day in our life when we need it most.  A day when the cloudy thoughts suddenly make sense and become clear.  A day when being who we are feels right and we know what road we are on and where it just might be headed.  Should we acknowledge this gift in some special way or just receive it and enjoy its blessings?

Or maybe, every day is aligned perfectly in the universe and we either choose to see it or not and feel it’s benefits or not.  We choose. We decide to open our eyes, our hearts, and our souls and welcome that gift that is there for the taking. Perhaps that act of welcoming, brings a clarity and an awareness to us that is always there before us if we choose it.

Our hearts and minds are so complex and so simple simultaneously. Life can be easy and difficult at the same time.  But, if we’re open to new things and to this “universe” perhaps our hearts and minds work the way they were intended to work.  Then, that overflowing awareness we feel is the joy and love that makes us say the right words at the right time and we enjoy each moment as it comes and don’t try to rush it.

Could this be the mechanics of our universe working with well-oiled gears?  Could this be the stars aligning perfectly on a winter’s night?  Could this be the energy we feel from the sun reflecting off the snow?  Could this be knowledge of ourselves?  Could this be a gift?   Could this be God?