The Little Boy Who Could

I wasn’t having my teeth pulled today, but I had the anxiety as if I was.  I wasn’t having my teeth pulled today, but I had the upset stomach as if I was. No, I wasn’t having my teeth pulled today, but my youngest son was.   I was a little worried.  Ok, that’s a lie.  I was super-sized, big-gulp, venti-sized worried.   He has in the past shown extreme fear of shots of any sort.  So much so, that just a few years ago, to say the word, would bring instant tears to his eyes and make him want to run for the nearest door.  We both knew a shot would be involved in the day’s events.  I knew.  He knew.  Yet, we didn’t speak of it at all. 

We were scheduled to be at the office at 12 noon.  At 9:00 a.m. the phone rang.   It was the dentist’s office calling to see if we could come in an hour as their schedule had changed.  I covered the phone and asked him if that would be ok and the anxiety faucet turned on.   He thought he had more time.  He needed more time.  I asked the assistant if I could have five minutes and would call her back to let her know if that would work.  I hung up the phone and tried to talk to him for a few minutes to calm his fears.

I went over the procedure with him one more time, asked why he didn’t want to go and explained that it didn’t matter what time we went.  Well, it didn’t matter to me, that is.  To him, those extra hours meant extra comfort.  When I asked why he didn’t want to go at ten, he laughed and smiled and said he didn’t know why.  I reassured him he would be fine and called them back to confirm the new time.

I didn’t know what to expect when we got to the office.  Tears, hyperventilating, fear?  I didn’t know.  To my great surprise, he was as calm as could be. He carried his ipod and headphones and sat in the chair beside me waiting for them to call his name.  I was so proud of him as he walked back alone (knowing he’d do better alone than with me there to continually ask if he was doing ok). Somewhere, somehow, he found the courage within himself to dig deep and face a fear he was so frightened of.  Thirty minutes into it, they said he was doing fantastic and didn’t have one complaint.   I was so thankful. 

When he walked back up to the waiting area, he looked like a little chipmunk getting ready for winter.  He was so brave.  I could see in his eyes that one hint of worry on my part and the tears would show themselves.  I smiled and just reached for him as he leaned into me with a relief big enough for the both of us.  Gauze filled the holes in his mouth and he started to laugh because he couldn’t talk or smile. I was thankful for the giggles.

I have never felt so relieved in all of my life.  I don’t know who learned more today, him or myself.  He learned that he could face his fears alone and get through them and be strong for himself and I learned that I needed to have more faith in his ability to handle more difficult situations. He was stronger mentally than I had given him credit for.  I was so proud of him and couldn’t stop telling him that.  I think in his own quiet way, he was proud of himself as well.  I could see in his eyes that he did something he feared and did it with dignity and strength. My son, the little boy who could.