Extra Shampoo and Hangers

I’m feeling a bit, let’s just say, unorganized lately, and for an organization F.R.E.A.K. this isn’t a good place to be.  When we moved into our new house a year and a half ago, I purged box after box.  I threw away old trophies, (except the 4th grade 2nd place spelling bee trophy I won) magazines, and junk that had no place in our new home.  I had a huge garage sale of hundreds of things and what didn’t sell, went straight to the local charity donation center.  It felt so wonderful to have only what we needed go with us.

So how is it, twenty months later, I feel like it’s all come back?  I have the spring cleaning bug so badly, I’m tempted to go to the doctor and see if there is a cure.   Problem is, it feels so daunting right now, that I don’t know where to start.  Pick a room, any room and it needs some organizational tending.

The kitchen has five junk drawers and we’re not utilizing the space in our little nook very wisely.  The linen closet has sheets for beds we no longer have and no matter how many bottles of shampoo I have stored in there, I always buy a new bottle before looking in there and using up that supply first!  The laundry room needs hangers.  Hangers. That’s pretty simple don’t you think?  The boys’ rooms….well….let’s just say….they need some serious work….days worth of work.  Then there’s the garage. Sigh.  Sigh again. 

I really need a coach of sorts to just stand over me and ask all the questions that need to be asked.  “Do you really need 15 blank spiral notebooks?  How many $1 Michaels’ bin journals do you think you’ll use this year?  When was the last time you filed anything away into that green file cabinet?  Why do you have full sized sheets when you don’t have a full sized bed?” 

I know when it gets done I’ll feel light as a feather, but until then, I’m feeling the extra weight of the wrapping paper and extra sheets and the fifteen spiral notebooks on my shoulders.  I know it’s temporary and will get done, but until then, wish me luck in the motivational department.  I’m going to need it. 

A Cat Throw Up And Two Gum Wrapper Kind Of Day

I’m having one of those days.  You know the kind.  The kind where you start off by hearing the alarm clock and decide to close your eyes for three more minutes and then get up, only to realize that when you look at the clock again it’s been twenty-three minutes not three. 

It’s 11:38 AM and the bed isn’t made.  I just put the groceries away that I bought at 9:15AM.  I know!  (I dare you to say one word about it.)  Nothing melted and we won’t get food poisoning from the carrots and Oreo cookies that were sitting out. 

I feel like my head is on someone else’s body today.  I’ve bumped into the car twice getting into it this morning.  I didn’t put any socks on for the quick trips to drop the boys at school and my little toe hurts now from my cute little white Pumas. 

I tried to open the kitchen junk drawer only to be reminded that it is filled with enough junk to fill two five junk drawers and the one day old pink scissors I just bought aren’t in there when I need them.   There are 400 books of matches, three phone chargers (two for phones we no longer have!)  (If you even think of saying something now, I would warn against it.) and two gum wrappers.  Yes.  Wrappers.

The cats’ litter boxes are WAY over due to be emptied.  The fish aquarium is becoming an algae experiment and the sock basket is now upside down on the laundry room floor where the cats played chase and the socks lost.  Folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up.

The doorbell rang and as I peeked around to see who it was I stepped right into a pile of two day old cat throw up!  I am essentially still in my pajamas with a sweatshirt thrown on over them and my hair is sticking out in all directions. (Putting your hair in a ponytail in the dark doesn’t always turn out like you think it does.)

I forced myself to sit down with my computer and just spew it out so I can move on with my day at almost noon.   I’m not in a bad mood, but just feel out of sorts and don’t like it one bit.  I like order. I like neat.  I like my scissors to be in the right drawer.  I prefer the cats to throw up on the wood floor instead of the carpet.  I like to shower and be dressed for the day at 6:15 AM not 12:30 PM. 

Breathing slower now.  I hope I didn’t scare you off?   I know you’ve had one of these kind of days and am comforted when I see the other moms in the grocery store in their pajamas and their ponytails lopsided and sticking out of their hats.  I understand them.  I get it.  These days happen and life will go on and come into balance once again, even if it is at 9:45PM tonight.  Thanks for letting me calm down.  Now to carry on.

(P.S.  I did throw the two gum wrappers away.  I’ll get to the old phone chargers tomorrow.)

We Are Enough

I had only been there for about four minutes when the two machines got taken on either side of me.   They turned their machines on and quickly set their “resistance” to 6 and the “cross ramp” to 10 (not that I was peeking).  They were running on their elliptical machines as if they were on fire and trying to put the flames out.  The machines were shaking and they were huffing and puffing, brushing off the sweat from their foreheads, while I kept my slow and steady turtle pace in between them both.  (Note:  “resistance” on 2 and “cross ramp” on 1.)  

Within in a few short minutes, I began to question myself.  “Should I go faster?”  “Should I change my settings?”  The negative comparisons began to creep into my mind.   I quickly shut the thoughts down and turned my focus to the 1980’s tv that was suspended from the ceiling and watched the last 25 minutes of Good Morning America via closed caption. 

Why is it that we, especially women, tend to start that “maybe I’m not ok” negative self talk?  We doubt our strength, our determination, our own personal goals in an instant when presented with someone who is skinnier than us, has the perfect haircut, or always has the perfect manicure.   Why?

Aren’t we good enough?  Don’t we have value where we are on our own path and journey?  Don’t we need to believe in ourselves and what gifts and special talents we have to offer the world? 

We are good enough.  

I am good enough as I am.

We do have value.  

I am valuable in this world.

We do need to believe.   

I believe in myself.

I used to fall into the negative self talk hole of holes so quickly and stay there for hours, but no more.   Over the last six months or so, that negative self talk and desire to compare myself to others has faded quietly into the background.   It shows up every now and then, but I know how to recognize it and quickly turn the channel. 

Everyone has value and deserves to treat themselves accordingly.  I now say to myself, “Hey, I showed up today and exercised and that’s great for me, my mind and my body.”  I don’t have those desires to compare myself to others as often as I once did.  I am comfortable being me and know that I am just as worthy as my elliptical partners running nowhere in a hurry. 

We are enough as we are.  We don’t need to be more to be valuable.  We are valuable as we are, even if our “resistance” is on 2 and our “cross ramp” is on 1.  Even then.  We are enough.

Five Days Of Love: Day Five

Friday’s Love……….My Spouse

My husband.  My Spouse.  My Sweetheart.  My Love.  My Heart of Hearts.

We met the first time at a dinner on a cold January evening during college.  We sat next to each other and talked about this and that, but I didn’t know then, that he was going to love me and that I was going to love him.

We left the dinner and didn’t cross paths for the rest of the semester. We may have exchanged a nod at the bookstore out of recognition or a hello in the student center, but nothing of significance. 

Summer came and went.  School started again in the fall and we crossed paths again and remembered our first meeting and had one conversation.  One conversation.  I knew at the end of that conversation who he was to me.  I knew.  I instantly knew I was home and that he was going to be my husband.  It only took one conversation.  Just one to reconnect.

I had never been so certain of anything before in my life. 

We got married a year and a half later and have been happily married now for twenty-one and a half years.  That may seem like a long time, but to us, we still feel like newlyweds.

I can look into his warm brown eyes to this day and my heart flutters like I’m still that 21 year-old girl.  I love his smile, his honesty, his strength, his gentleness, his caring nature, his openness and can recognize his walk from a mile away. 

His heart is now mine and mine his and think we always belonged to each other, even before we knew each other.  At one time, we were of the same heart and sent here to reconnect and become one again.

I love my husband, my spouse, my sweetheart, my love, my heart of hearts.

Five Days Of Love: Day Four

Thursday’s Love…..Stillness

The sun isn’t quite up yet, but it’s up enough to change the darkness of the sky to a deep navy blue.   The birds are still sleeping and the wind hasn’t decided to play yet.  My family is still tucked in the covers, not ready to rub their eyes awake.

I love this time because of the stillness that is present. 

I love stillness.  Is that possible?   

I can multi-task with the best of them, but when all the i’s have been dotted and t’s crossed and there is a moment when it’s quiet and peaceful, I’m there.  Perhaps it’s my yoga of sorts.  Quiet time, alone, candle glow, peaceful breathing, warm air, sunlight on the floor, hearing only my heartbeat; stillness at its best.

I feel as if I can breath better in the quiet. I can be present in the moment when things are still. When stillness makes its way into my day, I welcome it with open arms and embrace it while I can.  I’m always appreciative of its visit.

Stillness comes to us as a gift to connect with ourselves, God, our souls, and the space around us.  We all need stillness in our day to reenergize and restart our minds and bodies, so if it comes to visit you today, invite it in for a cup of tea and sit down and relax for a bit.   It will do you more good than you know.