I Got Me a '79 John Deer Combine

On any Sunday morning, driving across Iowa, hit the scan button on the radio…

“At the top of the hour, we’ll have our traffic report, so stay…

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We got the beat, We got the beat, Yeah, We got the…

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Now will our ushers please come forward to take the morning offering, while we sing…

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It’s 74 degrees right now and it looks like we might have a chance for some…

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Hi. This is Joe. I got me a ’79 John Deer combine.  It don’t work no more, but it’s a beauty. And I got me a blue recliner with a cigarette burn hole in the arm, but it still rocks.   I’ll take $3700 for the combine and $35 for the recliner.  My number is 524-5547 and I’m here in Clarinda, but ain’t home on Tuesdays so don’t call then.”

There.  Don’t touch the dial. That would be it, my favorite radio show, Radio Tradio. If you’ve never listened to a radio tradio type of program, then you’re missing out.  It’s AM radio at its finest.  It’s basically a Midwest garage sale on the radio, without all the neighborhood traffic or lemonade stands.  Simply call in, tell them what you’ve got for sale, (and it can be ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING) how much you want for it, and your phone number.   It’s that easy. It’s usually on any AM station across, Iowa, Nebraska or Kansas on a Sunday morning from 9:00-11:00AM.  The host is kind, usually as bland as warm water and never laughs at anything his guests offer up for sale. 

For me, it’s better than any comedy show out there.  I’m completely drawn in to the sincerity of the guests and the absurdity of the items they are actually trying to sell.  They try to sell their old washing machines that don’t work, the deer head that their wife can’t stand “no more”, their old alfalfa seeder, a box of old door knobs, a ’76 GE deep freeze that’s still kickin’, their grandpa’s old saw with a few teeth missin’, and even their three pet chickens that just make too much dang noise for their city folk neighbors.  All this for a few dollars and on a good day, they’ll throw in a bag of horse feed for free if you come by 2:00 PM that day.

I’ve never laughed so hard in my life listening to these shows.  It’s the most entertaining hour or two of any drive you’ll ever take across the Midwest.  (I can say that because I used to live in Iowa and there’s not much to see except corn fields and more corn fields. And, I can say that about Nebraska and Kansas too, since I’ve lived there as well.)  I don’t exactly know why I’m so fascinated by it, but it’s truly a piece of Americana that you can’t find anywhere else.  Promise me you’ll turn on your AM dial and hit the scan button next time you’re on the road.  I guarantee you’ll be glad you did.  Plus, you may just get yourself a copper boiler, a rusty birdbath, an old loading chute or three gently used cowbells you didn’t know you needed for a steal.  Oh, and don’t call Joe on Tuesdays ‘cause he ain’t home.

I Survived the Tent

Well, I did it.  I went camping for the first time in a tent under the stars and I have to say it wasn’t too bad.  When your nine year old is excited, you tend to get excited as well. This was something he’d been looking forward to for quite some time, so didn’t want to spoil any of his fun by complaining or being the wimpy mom on the trip.  I had to be on my best camping behavior, for him.  

We set up the tent at dusk, drove into town (which comprised of a 50 year old bait shop, a propane company run from a trailer and a pizza joint) and ate pizza at the pizza joint.  Once we were back at camp, the six boys, five dads and one mom (that’s me) set up our chairs, chatted under the stars and played ghost in the graveyard.  It was during this time that the temperature began to drop, I’m guessing about 20 degrees in a matter of minutes. I rounded up my scout and headed to our tent. He went to bed in his hat and gloves, jeans two pairs of socks, a long sleeve shirt and a hooded sweatshirt and in three minutes; my little guy was sound asleep. Forget about the pajamas and clean underwear or the toothbrush and toothpaste I had meticulously packed for him so he’d be comfortable.  We were camping!   You sleep in what you have on.   You don’t brush your teeth.  How was I to know? I, on the other hand, did not fall asleep in three minutes or three hours.

Did you know that when you sleep in the woods, it’s very quiet?  Quiet enough to hear everyone whisper in their tent at 2:00 AM and debate whether or not to wait it out or walk the tenth of a mile to the bathroom.  It’s quiet enough to hear everyone turn in their sleeping bags all night and quiet enough to hear every nocturnal animal within 500 feet of your tent.  I was thankful for the full moon, an instant nightlight in the tent, but as the night passed (at the pace of a sleeping turtle I might add) the temperature kept dropping as was evidenced by the frost on our blankets, tent and cars the next morning.  Yes, there was dew on our blankets, inside the tent!!! Thirty-three degrees.  It was cold.

We made our breakfast over the propane stove and had turkey bacon, eggs, pancakes, hot chocolate and orange juice, then got ready for the day and waited for the other scouts to arrive and set up their tents.  

My husband and older son joined us in the afternoon for day two, and the rest of the day was spent fishing, playing capture the flag, hiking uphill both ways, geocaching, making dinner for the group, singing songs, telling jokes and performing skits in the kiva around the fire.  We ended the day with smores made in the fireplace at the lodge complete with a second round of hot chocolate. (We have bears in our area remember, so no food outside! This is camping rule number one and my worry number one.)

We headed back to the tent and crawled under our nineteen layers of blankets and once again, the boys, in their shirts covered in fish blood and slime, dirty socks and jeans, fell fast asleep in minutes. I decided that I would try to make myself more comfortable this time and put on my camping pjs in hopes of falling asleep this time.  Have you ever tried to take off jeans bent over while standing on an air mattress, trying to be quiet so as not to wake the rest of camp and get redressed again all in 35-degree weather?  It’s not easy.  It would prove to be a waste of time essentially, because I didn’t fall fast asleep, despite my exhaustion from the day and hiking uphill both ways (wait, did I already say that?). 

Morning finally came with the hoot of an owl and a choir of morning doves and I couldn’t have been more relieved.   Still wearing my mother smile, we dismantled the tent, packed the car, had breakfast, sang a song or two in the lodge and then headed home (first ones to leave I might add).  I couldn’t wait to get into the shower and wash the three-day layer of dirt off my body.   My little guy slept on the way home and before nodding off, said he had a great time and loved the hiking (uphill both ways) the best.   I smiled and knew that it was all worth it in the end.  He had a good time and I never once wimped out on him or showed him my “do we have to” face!  I was a trooper and am glad I did it. 

Just for the record, however, I will not be subscribing to Camping Life magazine, nor will I be purchasing an outdoor stove anytime soon. 

Roughin' It

I am the mom of a Webelo this year.  You know what that means, don’t you? It means we have the pleasure of going camping, twice this year. (Did you notice I used the words pleasure and camping in the same sentence?  I’m trying to be positive about this.) For those of you who know me, I’m not much of a “roughin’ it” type.  I’m not above doing it. It’s just not on my top one hundred ten list of things I enjoy. 

I prefer this type of camping.

 

 Not so sure about this type of camping.

 

I’ve only slept under the stars one time and it was in our fenced in back yard a few years ago.   Not a horrible experience, but I did have access to running water and the bathroom 15 steps away if I needed it.  For the camping event this weekend, we’ll be going to a Boy Scout camp in the mountains complete with bugs, snakes and the occasional bear (although they swear they haven’t had one in a long time). Plus, in our neck of the woods, fall has arrived and the weather isn’t 95º during the day and 75º at night. It’s more like highs in the mid 70s and lows in the 40s.   (Note to self.  Don’t forget to pack extra socks and a scarf.  Ugh. What am I getting myself into?)

I know that once we get there, it will be a great experience for us and that we’ll have a good time hiking, geocaching, fishing and roasting marshmallows around the fire.  I just need to keep reminding myself that I’m doing this for my son.  His enjoyment. His happiness. His sense of accomplishment.  We’ll set up the tent, blow up the air mattress (that I borrowed from our good friends who have all things camping), help set up the rest of camp and have a great time with the other scouts and parents earning belt loops, pins, and badges along the way. 

And, who knows, maybe I’ll learn the name of some new constellations, watch a falling star, enjoy a ghost story or two and earn my “roughin it” belt loop.  I will earn a belt loop, right?  

photo credits

But My Actions Don't Show It

I’ve started this post three times over the last ten days and keep deleting it.  I don’t know why.  Perhaps my guilt has finally caught up with me and I need to get it out of the way!

I do not recycle.

I do not clip coupons.

I waste water.

There, I said it.  Now why don’t I feel better?  These three things have been weighing (4th grade spelling word this week) heavily on my shoulders and I think it’s because I’m supposed to be doing something rather than just letting the thought wander into my head and then quickly drift out again.

Let’s start with the first one, RECYCLING.

I throw away a lot of trash.  Too much if you ask me.  I throw cardboard, plastic, paper, aluminum and the list goes on and on.   I’m lazy, I guess.  Having so many different containers to put the trash in, just isn’t my idea of neat and tidy.  I don’t want to bother taking an extra step to mess with trash.  I have so many things on my “to do” list that adding one more to it will require me to carry around a ream of paper tucked under my arm.  Not real convenient!  But, those are all excuses.   I’m smart enough to know that I’m contributing to the landfill problems of the world and the last thing I want is some poor dolphin to eat my Starbucks cup and die.  I care about the dolphins.  Really, I do, but my actions don’t show it.  

Let’s take a look at the second one, COUPONS.

I come across 30-40 coupons a week and just flip on by them and go on to the next page in my magazine or flyer as if saving $1 wasn’t good enough for me.  The convenience of it is my excuse once again.  You have to find the scissors (which in my house can be a day long event) cut it out, find a place to keep it AND most importantly have to remember to take it with you to the store and actually use it.   Too many steps. But, those are all excuses. I know that 15 coupons at $.75 each is $11.25 in my pocket.  That’s two new pair of soccer socks, or lunch with a friend, or two bargain books off the Under $4.95 table at Barnes and Noble.  Why isn’t this important enough for me to take action?  I care about money.  Really, I do, but my actions don’t show it.

Let’s take a look at the final item, WATER.

I like my water.  I water our yard, I drink it, I cook with it and indulge myself by taking a bath almost every night.  I leave the faucet on when I brush my teeth and when I’m rinsing dishes and run my dishwasher when it’s not all the way full.  Shame on me, I know.  How could I when there are truly children who don’t have water to drink?  That one tugs at my heart knowing I’m not helping conserve this precious resource that I am so privileged to have at the tap of a finger.  I should be more careful.  I care about our world.  Really, I do, but my actions don’t show it.

I think it just comes down to being completely lazy.   It’s an ugly word to use to describe myself, but as the saying goes, “If the shoe fits, wear it.”  I need to make some changes.  I need to make a phone call to my local trash company and find out about their recycling program. I need to buy the Sunday paper and create a “coupon station” in the kitchen to keep and store them in.  I need to shorten our sprinkler system cycle times, turn off the water when I brush my teeth and cut my bathing down to once a week (ok, so maybe just showering instead would be good enough).  I am an intelligent woman, but my actions don’t show it.   By this time tomorrow, I will be a “green”, coupon-clippin’, water-conservin’ team member of the world and my actions will show it. Just you wait.

Date Night

It was Saturday night and everyone was in bed after a busy day of umpiring, chauffeuring, cooking, a baseball game, dining with family, entertaining guests and my husband and I decide to (pause, wait for it) do algebra in bed.  Yep, that’s right.  You heard me right.   At 10:35PM everyone was asleep and listening to their radios when I snuck back into my son’s room and grabbed his homework to take a look at the two problems he was stuck on.  I’m a college graduate. I know how to add and subtract. I understand the standard order of operations rule. I wasn’t about to let little x’s and y’s take me down without a fight.  

I tossed the worksheet and his “study guide” onto the bed and took a quick bath, dabbed on some perfume and told my husband that there were two problems our 8th grader was stuck on and wanted to see if I could help him out.   Before I knew it, we were both sitting in bed with the worksheet in between us grabbing pencils and paper trying to figure out how to write a system of equations with two variables from a word problem. 

We each took the same approach and tried our hand at solving it alone, each in our little space of the bed (secretly trying to outsmart each other by coming up with the solution first).   We knew what the answers were, but to write them in an algebraic expression using two variables was a different story.  No easy task when you haven’t done algebra in thirty-some odd years.

We laughed and talked about it, erased and started over a few times.  Laughed some more.  Discussed the high expectations of eighth grade these days, reminisced about our school days and laughed some more. Finally, with neither of us solving it on our own, we googled the term “system of equations” and within 45 seconds, we had our answer.  (A special thanks and shout-out to our good friends Larry Page and Sergey Brin - the founders of Google.  We love you guys.)

It wasn’t dinner and a movie (and making popcorn next time might not be a bad idea), but we had a good time and in the end, we finished the problems. (And, for the record, I don’t think it officially counts as doing your child’s homework because he didn’t ask us to do it.  So, I think we’re off the hook in that regard.)  For us, it wasn’t about picking a movie or a restaurant, it was just simply hanging out together, laughing and enjoying a modern date night, the algebra way!