I Got Me a '79 John Deer Combine

On any Sunday morning, driving across Iowa, hit the scan button on the radio…

“At the top of the hour, we’ll have our traffic report, so stay…

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We got the beat, We got the beat, Yeah, We got the…

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Now will our ushers please come forward to take the morning offering, while we sing…

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It’s 74 degrees right now and it looks like we might have a chance for some…

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Hi. This is Joe. I got me a ’79 John Deer combine.  It don’t work no more, but it’s a beauty. And I got me a blue recliner with a cigarette burn hole in the arm, but it still rocks.   I’ll take $3700 for the combine and $35 for the recliner.  My number is 524-5547 and I’m here in Clarinda, but ain’t home on Tuesdays so don’t call then.”

There.  Don’t touch the dial. That would be it, my favorite radio show, Radio Tradio. If you’ve never listened to a radio tradio type of program, then you’re missing out.  It’s AM radio at its finest.  It’s basically a Midwest garage sale on the radio, without all the neighborhood traffic or lemonade stands.  Simply call in, tell them what you’ve got for sale, (and it can be ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING) how much you want for it, and your phone number.   It’s that easy. It’s usually on any AM station across, Iowa, Nebraska or Kansas on a Sunday morning from 9:00-11:00AM.  The host is kind, usually as bland as warm water and never laughs at anything his guests offer up for sale. 

For me, it’s better than any comedy show out there.  I’m completely drawn in to the sincerity of the guests and the absurdity of the items they are actually trying to sell.  They try to sell their old washing machines that don’t work, the deer head that their wife can’t stand “no more”, their old alfalfa seeder, a box of old door knobs, a ’76 GE deep freeze that’s still kickin’, their grandpa’s old saw with a few teeth missin’, and even their three pet chickens that just make too much dang noise for their city folk neighbors.  All this for a few dollars and on a good day, they’ll throw in a bag of horse feed for free if you come by 2:00 PM that day.

I’ve never laughed so hard in my life listening to these shows.  It’s the most entertaining hour or two of any drive you’ll ever take across the Midwest.  (I can say that because I used to live in Iowa and there’s not much to see except corn fields and more corn fields. And, I can say that about Nebraska and Kansas too, since I’ve lived there as well.)  I don’t exactly know why I’m so fascinated by it, but it’s truly a piece of Americana that you can’t find anywhere else.  Promise me you’ll turn on your AM dial and hit the scan button next time you’re on the road.  I guarantee you’ll be glad you did.  Plus, you may just get yourself a copper boiler, a rusty birdbath, an old loading chute or three gently used cowbells you didn’t know you needed for a steal.  Oh, and don’t call Joe on Tuesdays ‘cause he ain’t home.