A Pretty Little Box

Is it too late to try and decide what I want to be when I grow up?  I hope not because I feel like I’m in eighth grade again and am trying to figure out what I like and don’t like; what is interesting to me and what is not.   It seems this last month, my mind has been spinning in every direction.  Finding focus has become a challenge. 

One minute I’m dreaming of starting my own magazine, the next I’m jotting down ideas for a book, and a minute later I’m thinking about buying a goat and trying my hand at soap making.  Maybe I’m going through a creative dry spell?  Whatever it is, it’s been challenging to say the least.

Maybe I need to keep a journal of all these random thoughts to see if there are any common threads that I can piece together. Maybe I need to just sign up for a class of some sort.  Maybe I need to do a little of everything.  It’s not about being bored, because I am not bored and I have 368 things to get done by the end of the week and love the sense of accomplishment I have when I throw the “to do” list in the trash recycle bin. It’s more about direction.  There are too many paths in front of me that all look very enticing and could sure use a big sign to suddenly drop down from above and point me in the right direction.

I think we are all continually searching for our purpose and perhaps that is what this is about?  I’m not sure.  I’m happy and love being wife and mom at home.  I wouldn’t give it up for anything.  It’s not even about that either.  It’s knowing that I have many talents and gifts that I’ve been given and I’ve put them in a pretty little box on my shelf and keep staring at them instead of opening the box and using them.  I need to act and stop thinking, but act on what?  That’s where I get stuck every time.   Perhaps being stuck is where we have to be at times in order to appreciate the times when we’re not stuck.  Does that make sense?  I hope so. 

Maybe the best solution is to simply put every idea and interest I have into a jar and just pull one out and go for it.  Hmmm.  I wonder if I have a really big jar?  Off to the kitchen.