Sooner Or Later Came Sooner

We knew we would have to tell him sooner or later.  He still believed and we were ok with that.   He’s our little guy.  Yes, he’s eleven, but still very innocent in so many ways.  We didn’t want to spoil it if we didn’t have to, but knew that we’d have to have a conversation with him sooner or later.   We just weren’t expecting sooner to be so SOON.

We were all sitting at the table finishing up dinner, talking about nothing really when the subject switched to an item Santa left in the stockings and how we wanted them to use the item and why we got it for them.  

“SEE, I knew it was you.”   

Caught.

Pause.

We all looked at each other as he awaited confirmation from one of us.  He could see it in our faces.  We hadn’t meant to say it this way, but it just came out.

He laughed and laughed about catching us in the cover up.

And then it happened.

His laughing was hard.  You know the type where you start crying because you can’t contain the laughter?  Then, his laughing and happy crying turned into something else.  Disappointment.  Sadness.  And, perhaps even a little hurt, that we knew all along and he didn’t.  There wasn’t a Santa.  We felt horrible.   He was upset to find out and visibly disappointed with the news that it broke my heart. 

That little piece of innocence was gone forever in a second. 

We tried to make him smile.  His brother even said, “Don’t you think it would be kind of creepy to actually have a big fat man in a red suit really come into our house while we are sleeping?”    He smiled and chuckled under the slow sobs.  

I told him of my spotting my dad putting the presents under the tree after we had gone to bed and how I was only in first grade.   He smiled again.

He looked at us and then said, “The Easter Bunny, rats!  Tooth Fairy too?”

After a bit, he relaxed and his hurt feelings slipped away.

That night, after Daddy tucked him in he asked for me to come in.  I kissed his head and told him that perhaps next year, he could stay up and be an elf with me and stuff the stockings with goodies for everyone.  He liked the idea and buried himself a little deeper under the covers and closed his eyes, still as my little eleven year old boy.